The Drink Order at Starbucks

This morning , as I was waiting to get a coffee from Starbucks, I started collecting rude ways in which people ask for their drinks.

“Yeah, get me a triple, no-foam latte.”

“I want a iced, extra caramel, caramel macchiato.”

“Why don’t you give me a non-fat, extra-hot, with-whip mocha.”

“Regular coffee. Be sure to leave room for cream.”

Whatever happened to the polite and correct way of asking for something? May I please order a drink in a kinder world?

Just a Midwestern Kinda Gal

(This is a quasi-repost from another blog.)

Having just talked with a friend who is thinking about vacationing in Miami, FL., I’m reminded that, while I love visiting Miami, I could never live there. And here are my top 10 reasons for thinking I couldn’t hack it.

10. Dinner served on beds isn't appealing to me when it's in a public setting.
9. I couldn't spray tan enough to get to a decent bronze tone needed to blend with the crowd.
8. When I want to hang out in an Asian-inspired bar or restaurant, I don't want it to include hydraulic tables and wind tunnels.
7. I can't afford breast implants.
6. I've never been fluent in Spanish, and it seems to be the official language of Miami.
5. Wearing sweaters in 70 degree weather doesn’t make sense to me.
4. With only one major university in the area, my 10 years spent in higher education probably wouldn't help me get a job.
3. The notion of needed to buy a $300 bottle of vodka to secure a table at a restaurant makes me vomit in my mouth.
2. Carrying hurricane insurance would cost me more than my current mortgage.

And the number 1 reason for me is......

1. I think eating sushi served off of female and male models' bodies is creepy.

Rememer Your Props!

I recently started taking classes at the gym on campus with my friend, Christina. This is not my first foray into the class-taking experience, but this time around, it has a new twist.

Props.

I’m not talking about one or two pieces of equipment; that would be normal. For any given class, I usually need to set up the following: a light weight set of free weights; a medium weight of free weights; a heavy set of free weights; a ball; a stand for the ball; a mat; a step; add on steps to make the initial step higher.

There’s barely enough room to work out in after it’s all set up. I get tired just thinking about having to set it all up.

I miss jumping rope. Props needed: 1.

A Day of Hard, Hard Work

Here are some of the things I did at work today, in no particular order.

*Watched an MIT Tech TV video wherein a student created a replica of the MIT seal with origami;

*Watched The Price is Right;

*Took an hour and a half long lunch;

*Read Heart Healthy Recipes;

*Spent some time trying to figure out what I’m going to wear tomorrow.

I promise you, they all had a direct tie to work. Except for the lunch, that is – that was just fun.

Why the move to Mondays, PDQ?

My favorite section of the Plain Dealer Sunday paper is the PDQ. I just adore those stats. Imagine my horror to find out that the PDQ will now be printed only for the Monday edition of the paper. Starting in two weeks.

This makes no sense to me. Who is going to read this section on Mondays? The substance usually coincides with fun, weekender-type things like, number of beers purchased during a home Indians game: 44,501. What’s it going to cover now? Number of times the Dow opened above 12,000 in 2008? Who CARES? I mean, I do, but not in the PDQ section. I want the PDQ to answer the following questions for me:

* Number of times Lindsay Lohan has been in rehab
* Amount the average American spends on lollipops in a year
* Number of copies of the Karma Sutra sold on February 14th
* Average pay per movie for Michael Cera
* Number of trees killed to print Michael Cricton novels

Well, I guess change is always bound to happen. So long, PDQ. I enjoyed reading you on Sundays.

If You're Skinny, Can You Be Fat?

All the world chattering about the idea of getting fit and trim. Lose weight from the holidays! Get in bikini shape now! But the latest buzz is k-i-l-l-i-n-g me. It's neatly packaged in this little phrase: skinny-fat.

Skinny-fat? Give me a fuckin’ break.

So, let’s see. We’ve made a neurotic mess of girls who are of a normal size, but not Kate “I BLOW” Moss’s size. We’ve made overweight girls feel like they’re menaces to society. And now we’ve made girls who are already probably too thin to begin with now think they’re fat. The skinny-fats.

Case in point. There’s a woman out there – a web writer – who talks about the fact that she’s 5’5”, about 100lbs, and sporting a size 2. But she’s not working out, so she joins a gym and does a body composition test. The trainer tells her that she’s 29% body fat, which makes her almost obese. OBESE?

I’m no genius, but I think that you’d have to have some extra “body” to have that kind of fat proportion. Maybe those invisible parts of her are enormous.

Why can’t we just say this woman – or any woman – just wants to feel good, get some energy kickin’, and call it a day? No, no. Clearly a label must be created, and, from here on out, she’ll be known as skinny-fat. And sometimes nuts, as labeled by me.

The Loser Who Just Watches Other Losers

I admit it; I’m completely addicted to reality TV show, “The Biggest Loser”. I listen intently to the contestants’ personal stories about why they want to lose the weight; I love to watch the pounds melt away as they go through all of those strenuous work outs; I get teary-eyed watching the final episodes as they unveil their new, toned, tough-as-nails selves and tell us how they feel as though they have a new contract on life.

I want to be on the show.

Those who know me know that this could be an impossibility for a couple of reasons.

1. I’m not obese.
2. I don’t have children whose lives would be affected for the GOOD by me losing half my body weight.
3. I haven’t contracted diabetes and don’t have liver failure because of my unhealthy lifestyle.

But what I love about the show is that these contestants basically get a clean slate to change their physical and emotional selves, and they do this by leaving their jobs and heading to a ranch to basically learn how to work out, eat well, and enjoy a healthy lifestyle. They do this for something like 6 months. 6 months!

Hello?! I want to be on this show. What I wouldn’t give to take off a half of a year and just play all day, all the while getting in some seriously kick-ass, model-esque, take-my-bikini-clad-bod-to-any-beach-in-Miami shape!

If anyone has some thoughts as to how I could perhaps pull an application together for this show, I’m all ears.