Survivor: U.S.A

At my prior job, there was a group of us who used to bet on the castaways from CBS’s reality TV show, “Survivor”. An actual fact: I won the pool once by betting on Ethan. To be honest, I kind of hated the show. But throw some money on the table and mix it up with the show, and I was ALL about it. I was thinking about this last night while watching the U.S. presidential candidates vomit out their last stump speeches before the first caucus. And then it hit me.

DUDE. All voting should be democratic-style caucusing, and it should be billed, “Survivor: U.S.A.” It would be total peer pressure, but people would totally get into it because it would be like playing a game. And people would be talking like this.

First Democratic Girl Voter (FDGV): "Oh. My. GOD. Did you see who Sue was aligning herself with last night? Mike Gravel! AS IF."

Second Democratic Girl Voter (SDGV): "Seriously? That’s so lame. Everyone knew there was NO way Gravel was going to pass “the threshold”. Sue totally should have aligned with, like, Hillary or Barack."

FDGV: "I know! I mean, Sue obviously ended up aligning with Hillary, but not until after she went through persuasion. How bogus is that?"

SDGV: "Totally. She’s so lucky she even got to cast a vote! But it’s so unfair that Sue can say she’s backing a “winner” now. Whatever."

Jeff Probst, you ain’t got nothin’ on me.