The Worst Holiday Gift. Ever.

My grandmother was the worst gift-giver I’ve ever known. Five years ago, my family and I entered into a gift-off for most terrible gift, with the “winner” having the ability to give his or her gift away to another family member, knowing whomever received said gift would certainly have to “use” the it in front of my grandma at some later point in time. Here’s how it went.

My dad opened first. Tie. Lame, but usable. Looked like it was purchased at a discount store, perhaps in the bargain-basement section, but still, it was never going to be a “winner”.

Then my mom opened hers. Peds, and still in the little clear-plastic, egg carton. Looked like it had been purchased approximately 10 years prior. Excellent entry. (Note: if you don’t know what peds are, just check out what’s on your grandmother’s feet next time you see her.)

Let me break for a moment and tell you that using the word “purchase” is deliberate, for my grandmother didn’t always give gifts that were. Items won during BINGO games or given away at church functions were fair game.

Back to the gift-off.

I followed my mom and opened up my gift. It was a tiny lapel pin with a graphic that read, “U.S. Swimming.” Now, I was a swimmer, so this *could* seem legit, borderline decent. Flipped over, the pin, wrapped in plastic, had a little sticker placed in the center. It read, “FREE GIFT.” Looked like a clear winner.

My brother rounded out the family gift opening. Ripped it open. It was a travel mug for coffee. It had a SUNOCO logo on the side. And coffee stains on the inside. USED.

We had our “winner”.

Happy, happy holidays!