My Mom's Personal Chef

My mom and I like to cook together, especially around the holidays. Break out a bottle of wine, pull out some recipes, and *voila!* you have instant chefs (at least, in our minds).

And my mom likes to plan the menus down to every last little side dish and gravy topping, which is fine with me as I like to just step in and start the “making”. But these menus have taken on a whole new boldness over the past few holidays, becoming really kind of complicated. And they include a LOT of food. As in, no family of 4-6 people should be eating this much food. We typically make a small dent. This, of course, doesn’t mean we scale down the choices.

Here’s the rub. The more my mom adds to the menus, the less she cooks. For all intents and purposes, I’ve become something of a live-in (during the holidays) personal chef. An example.

Christmas Brunch Menu

Apple-Cinnamon Stuffed Pancakes With Maple Whipped Cream
Cheese Grits with Spicy Black Beans and Peppers
Jalapeno-Chicken Corn Pudding
Bloody Mary’s

Same menu, slightly modified with who made what that morning.

Apple-Cinnamon (filling – Meg) Stuffed Pancakes (Mom) With Maple Whipped Cream (Meg)
Cheese Grits with Spicy Black Beans and Peppers (Meg)
Jalapeno-Chicken Corn Pudding (Meg)
Bloody Mary’s (Ryan)

The workload does seem slightly askew, but hey, it could be the bloody mary's talking.

The Worst Holiday Gift. Ever.

My grandmother was the worst gift-giver I’ve ever known. Five years ago, my family and I entered into a gift-off for most terrible gift, with the “winner” having the ability to give his or her gift away to another family member, knowing whomever received said gift would certainly have to “use” the it in front of my grandma at some later point in time. Here’s how it went.

My dad opened first. Tie. Lame, but usable. Looked like it was purchased at a discount store, perhaps in the bargain-basement section, but still, it was never going to be a “winner”.

Then my mom opened hers. Peds, and still in the little clear-plastic, egg carton. Looked like it had been purchased approximately 10 years prior. Excellent entry. (Note: if you don’t know what peds are, just check out what’s on your grandmother’s feet next time you see her.)

Let me break for a moment and tell you that using the word “purchase” is deliberate, for my grandmother didn’t always give gifts that were. Items won during BINGO games or given away at church functions were fair game.

Back to the gift-off.

I followed my mom and opened up my gift. It was a tiny lapel pin with a graphic that read, “U.S. Swimming.” Now, I was a swimmer, so this *could* seem legit, borderline decent. Flipped over, the pin, wrapped in plastic, had a little sticker placed in the center. It read, “FREE GIFT.” Looked like a clear winner.

My brother rounded out the family gift opening. Ripped it open. It was a travel mug for coffee. It had a SUNOCO logo on the side. And coffee stains on the inside. USED.

We had our “winner”.

Happy, happy holidays!